I was called something today... It made me laugh.

After speaking with a relative today over the phone, they didn't agree with me and went off on a giant tare.  Right before they hung up they called me an albatross.  I laughed aloud and said thank you kindly.  They were genuinely shocked at my reaction /reply and hung up.

This made me think about it a bit...

The albatross was a good thing to have around until some mean spirited person decided to kill it. 

Hmm...

I shouldn't have anything to do with people who want to hurt, harm or kill my spirit.  Even if I know them to be good people on the outside.

This is for you.

I don't know if you look here or not but if you do please read this without any emotion. 

The phone conversation we had was the first negative thing I've had in my life since you left me through text message.  Whenever we talk you bring the emotions from the person I once was to the moment.  Both you and I feed into that and it goes downhill fast.  The only time since my rebuild I feel that way is when I talk to you and you being that forward.  That's why it seems like I never changed.  I would like to know you in time as I've said,  in my darkest hour you crushed me by leaving me for dead.  That will take time to heal.

That said,  I don't have any power or control over your heartstrings.  That is not my intention or my wish.  I know because you are still projecting the negativity I once had, every conversation and interaction between us will be an emotional one.  I know our issues were my fault. I know I broke you but, you didn't help by running. 

I would like to know you still.  But in order to do so, you need to get to know the person I am now and completely let go the person I once was. I have changed that much. If you read anything negative in any of this and took it as a barb or an attack, that is a prefect example of what needs to be cast aside from the person you once knew me as. Please let go the constant negative aura you have associated with me.

Your text message asked me to forgive you.  There is nothing to forgive.  I know it was my fault.  However,  it doesn't make it hurt any less for me.  That will take time but I'm working on it. 

I know the thing I said about the one thing you were wrong about fell on Def ears but,  I also know it to be the truth.

Do you know or is knowing what you know only an illusion?

If you know what you know but what you know changes and you for whatever reason don't change what you know are you hindering others by projecting what you knew to be true onto what you know now but are unable to accept it?

Seas

What makes it a sea of sorrow or happiness?

If you can just be happy you're swimming won't that turn it around to a better place to begin with?

It's extremely difficult to be positive when the one person you want to talk to keeps dragging the old negative into most of not every conversation. 

Let go the negative,  feel the positive and all will better.

Numbness of the soul

The heart and soul can do many things. Sing when they're happy, cry when they're sad, be numb and without feeling of any kind.
The fake smile on the face that holds them will never tell you what they're doing. You have to be close enough to that person to feel it for yourself.